My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
