Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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