Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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