I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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