i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
