u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
