I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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