Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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