Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
