I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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