I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
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Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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