She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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