Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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