Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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