i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
