Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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