so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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