i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
