Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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