Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
