I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
