obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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