I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
