He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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