Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
