Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
