what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
