You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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