Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
