u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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