Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You are the jesus of drinking
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
