Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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