You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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