am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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