My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
