I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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