I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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