We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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