First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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