we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
