so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
