i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
