Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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