How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
