I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
