I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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