I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
