nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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