i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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