she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
