My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
