Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
