Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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