Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
