I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
