I want to make a zoo with you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
