Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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