After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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