my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
