before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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