I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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