someone owes me an orgasm
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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