i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So. Much. Porn.
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