my mouth tastes like poor choices
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
