The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
