Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
