I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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