I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
