Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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