Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
